Impending Dawn

The night drags on….
I am still waiting for the shimmering lights
Promised to me by the oncoming dawn
The genies of night
Tell me to leave
It’s a pointless waiting they say.

Should optimism bow down to the night
Should I sell my belief to the highest bidder,
Or the stronger contender.
I am perched on the ledge of despair
The genies have started dancing,
Around black fires that give no light, no warmth
Strangely I’m comforted…
The lights would be easier to spot now.

I sit and wait
In the cold cold night
Dew drops gather around me
And the chill from the devils fire permeates my bones
They are hoarding
The creatures of the night
They surround me with their distance
Their formalities
Their lullabies, their sugared words
Hypocrisies but can never provide warmth.
I am lured to join them, they provide me wine
I could be drink away from all what they promise.

It takes me my life, my soul and all my memories to refuse
To sit tight on my rocky ledge
To sweat despite the cold
Waiting for the promise
Waiting for life, loving this cold….almost.

The devils are not evil,
They just want to win…
They have had failures before…
Broken they cant hope to see light again…fearing it might not come
And what if they hoped again… but in vain.
They have lost so much,
That they befriend the night
Devoid of courage to heal their wounded hearts
And petrified souls.

Now, they strive to help me
They don’t believe that dawn is for real
They don’t want me to be hurt…
And don’t want me to win either
Jealous of my faith, they must dissuade me
From my quest,
What if I win, and they lose…
What if all is lost….

I see a beautiful soul, not yet black among them
She dances so beautifully away from the fire
It warms my heart just to see her
A swan with a broken wing…
I look at her, wondering if she was the light promised
How could it be
As she carries the shadow of night with her…
As do the others of the devils.

I must talk to her…
I reach out to touch her cold skin,
She recoils from my warm touch,
Its unusual, and long forgotten.
I see her trying to reject it,
As they have forsaken the warmth forever
Lest it be taken away…
She tries to run…
But I cant let her get away.
I have been promised love.

I pursue her, in the night.
The places she goes are cold,
The rush of winds chills my heart
And we both are panting…
The chase stops when she does… unable to continue.
I hold her tight and kiss her.
Kissing her cold away, kissing her into warmth.
Trying to draw her out of her body in mine…
Loving her, stroking her hair, professing my love
Waiting for her to believe me
Warming her
Waiting for her to respond.

Her chill and the night are seeping into me
I am getting colder and colder
Is death tugging at me…
Cold thoughts surround me
I haven’t let her go still
But is she a ploy,
A nymph to get me forsake the warmth I endear
Is she the devil herself sucking my warmth that I’m trying to sate?
I don’t have too much strength left, I need the dawn
Even if she is the light promised,
The night and the run have taken their toll…
The darkness seems to wait for me to pass into
It promises me warmth, and love and her, if she is the devil…

I have used up every ounce of my warmth
She is warmer, but I’m too cold
Maybe beyond repair…

My eyes are swimming with dew drops or tears, I’m not sure.
The cold makes them freeze on my eyelids…
The weight is too much…
I have to close my eyes…
The darkness can swallow me
I did all I can
Fought as much as I could.


And as my eyes almost close,
She kisses me back,
She responds to my touch, my cold body
Filling me with her ethereal light,
Hope, love and promise… and her.
She heals me and feels me…
Like a baby exploring the world
Slowly and slowly… we bond…
The night is still on, and I’m still cold.
But I shall live, with my new hope and my delicate swan…

She gives me strength, I give her hope.
Together we reach the devils,
With my cold body they notice me not
And we mingle and dance around the black fire…
The dawn will come… of that I’m sure.

We talk to the devils,
Tell them of our love…
We tell them of our hope….
And that cold need not keep the warmth out
She makes them remember
She communicates in a way I never could…
She tells them of our kiss
Of my tears and hers….
We share the visions of a new dawn…
She sees it through my eyes, and they through hers…

Yes, they could finally see it…
And they believed it…

I hold her close, she much warmer than me
When the dawn did come for us…
I was exuberated, and she petrified by the brilliance
Which gave way to acceptance, and finally happiness.
The devils also rose one by one…
With new found courage to face the sun.
And new strength and love was found…
In each pair of eyes around.

My bird had her wings healed; she flew away into the twilight…
And left me with hope and a heart full of love
And memories strong enough to carry on for the rest of my life.

Ek auss ki boond…

Maati par padi hi ek auss ki boond
Raat ko chaand ki sunheri nazar mein
Andhakar ka saaya apne mein samaye
Ek pal mein khudr aur ussimein viraat
Poore aakhash ka pratibimb jhalakta hua
Uss shote se dayare mein
Mann ko ek alag sa sukoonmilta hai
Shudrata mein visaalta dek
Andhakar mein apna astitva na khota dekh
Chand ke roshniko apna banata dekh
Ek auss ki boond
Suraj ki naa garmahat na kirne
Kabhi chuyegi isse
Kale andhakar ke dhhaal mein panapti
Ek auss ki boond
Jisne apna rasta hai khud chuna
Aur apni sheetalta se ek swarachit mugdhata mein
Khud ko simoye duniya se pare
Maati ke aanchal mein
Shaant nidra praapt ki un kirno ke agaman se pehle.

(Musings in Hindi.... Not great, but i like it...)

THE TRANQUIL LIGHT

The twilight had come and gone
It was dark shadow accompany.
And I waited for the queen to crown herself
The marked moon had won over me.

The tranquil shadow of that night
The sweet soft gaze of the moon
The bright stars’ serenity
New wings shine of a butterfly just out of the cocoon.

And her prettiness further heightened
In the interplay of the divine light.
And still nobody notices a subdued dew
Pearly white in the full moon’s light.

Inside the pearly white cage
A mystic darkness is wound.
It leads you to a dark abyss
Yet foretells of the light around.

And those soft mighty cries
That you did not hear
Out for the queen’s praise
She and them tied… in a bond endear.

Animals do know her worth
To live in its tranquility, I wish.
The shadows play with life
Light shouldn’t after all reach every niche.

And I sit back and stare
How could she shine so bright?
It beams that sunset….
Is not always the end of sight.

The moon stills shines on
Sunset and sunrise are not the ultimate ends.
But the moon does rise
And it will stay with you forever………comprehend.

Life is too short to brood
And tranquil is this peaceful light.
And if the mighty moon might hide her face
The stars are at the same height.

The tranquil dew is so cool
Not cold though, you remember.
Transferring to the dew the same warmth
The queen will confer.

New moons tell you
Darkness too leads the way.
Light lies within you
Lets discover that………just you and me.

Silence sublime teaches you
Moon never does give the way.
Never will she ever go away
But live with you always.

The tranquil queen
Shines her light on you
The interplay of shadows
Silence just helps along
Nothing does engulf you
The dewdrops you remember
And the moonrise too
You are never alone.


…………..As on the shadowy dark nights………
……….The tranquility still shines on you…

EXPRESSION

I have seen him grow up
And always felt him to have expressive eyes.

As a kid fear filled those eyes
When he lost the sight of his mother
A stiff upper lip
A macho pride
Yet misted insecurity in those dark deep eyes.

Understanding glance
Of before age maturity
But a hidden under laying longing
Yet outlined his eyes……….
When he had worn the frayed clothes
Even through his birthday.

A bittersweet pain
Yet I could see in his smiling eyes
When his friends turned his back on them
On the surface mature
But with hurt sad innocent eyes
That told of pain just to me.

And the eyes
Glazed
When he saw his love
And the hurt when
The dejection
And a reflection of a broken heart
That swam to his yes
When he lost his first love.

The wild happiness
The tremendous emotions
When he finally found his life’s love
The contentment
All reflected in his mature eyes
So deep
Now
Eyes of a man.

And then the misted eyes
Of a father
Half closed in prayer
Thanking god for his love
As a silent tear trickled down those
Happy honest eyes.

And now triumph had shown in now and then
In those eyes
As had pain
With experiences of life
Bitter sweet
Yet leaving him all the richer.

And now
I saw only acceptance
And loneliness
As tears sparkled in those eyes
I knew he was terrified
I knew he was afraid
Yet life had taught him to shield some emotions
Finally from his eyes
Now misty
As things untold where hidden beyond.

He was alone
But I reached to those expressive eyes
And blew over each one of them
Till they cleared again and let me see
Once again into their depth
And the sight even made my eyes burn
As the mist cleared in his eyes
I saw acceptance
An ethereal light
A love so free
From this world………………………


He was expressing his last emotions
And his dark eyes
Were tired
Though happy
And with a steady determination ready to close
I peeked heavily for one last time
Into the deep eyes that
Somewhere were also my reason to life
And at the end of his eyes I saw
Love for me
Like the innocent love that
I always had felt for him.

And with that I closed his expressive eyes
With my own life worn eyes
And for first time and even the last
My eyes were also as expressive
As the one by which I had lived by all my life.
As we both saw our last together
Each beholding the most expressive eyes
Locked………………

Each one acknowledging
A love so old
As these expressive eyes…..
Withheld hidden throughout life.

HOME AGAIN

I travel on these lanes close to my heart
I reach those places where I have been
I smell the familiar smells
I reach and touch the seen
I cry and my teardrops fall on the trodden paths
They still bear my imprint and I feel I am home again.

I reach out to the roads
I lay down on the grass
I realize my life
Is incomplete without the place
Which I call my home.

Life took me to places
It made me see many a sites
I settled
Down in the races
To survive and I cried
As my heart longed for home again.

I told myself I was immature
I told that this is not true
I explained
I partied
I had friends busy life
Success
But the home
It was empty
I wanted to be home again.

Like a long lost mother was she
I wanted to be near her
I have cherished my dreams around it
In it’s hidden corners and niches
I have played many a games
And its age hides my teenage
Its rooms my journey to adult hood
It’s my life in its pages
Old and forlorn
Tired but living
It’s my home again.

I cry as I see her after so many days
Old yet standing
Demolished in so many places
Tears swell my eyes
But I will build it again.

Neglect has caused hurt to my home and me
But like a very caring mother
It welcomes me back
Provides me love
Gives me a chance to correct my mistake
And gives me a loving roof to cover my head
I hide under her
From this world
To escape the frauds who say the know me
I hide under my motherly home away from the world
In its loving seclusion.

I will stay now in the folds of nature
Doing what my heart says
Just peace and me
As I am home again.



………………………………….


i miss places
i miss ppl
i miss ma soul
which has left me
it has no boundaries
an no weight of a sackfull of useless duties imposed ma little self
pointless leashes hold me back