THE SAVIOUR

I was shrouded in the darkness
Of the glitter that I thought was light,
Down in the dungeons of the dark dusty world
I knew not the right.

Each day I fell deeper
Each moment the creepy crawlies of the dark world,
Held me stronger still in their grip
Deeper down was I hurled.

Soon, the glitter dimmed
Even the misconception of light was lost,
All was lost I thought
Atleast, hope at any cost.

And then the light shone
In the darkest corner of my heart,
It warmed me still as somebody held my hand
And pierced the darkness like a dart.

He caressed my head
And said he had come to deliver me,
He put me back on the right track
And now the right I could see.

I had resurfaced
As pure as an angel,
He had cleansed me but
I could not see beyond his bright veil

I asked him to reveal himself to me
He said I knew him in my heart of hearts,
And though he had gone
Light came to me even without his guard.

Asking my heart I knew
He was not my guardian angel,
And though all angels must not have wings
I was saved by someone more special.

OF SKIES AND LOVE…………………

They are going away, far away
To the places I long for…
But it holds me back.
The tears I shed go unnoticed
As I long for the bright blue skies.

The green vales I had seen
Were a part of my life.
My heart is divided thus….
I don’t know why
Love never found its way
To the doorsteps of my heart.
I felt my love in the bright blue skies
I left my love in the bright blue skies.

The concrete jungle
The gray dust is not what I long for.
I was made for
The cotton balls of my memories,
The green valleys and
The sound of music of the chirping birds…..
Their echoes deep down in my heart
Told me of the bright blue skies
That I had left behind.

Lost in the mist
Beyond sight are buried dreams
Of the fair mountains
A life’s love
And the blue sky dotted with birds
And they will remain buried……..
Perhaps always.
My fears and tears
Rise up in smoke
Unnoticed by the mob.
As I am lost in my dreams
Of the bright blue skies.

THE LAST LOOK

It had rained
The earth reeked with the soddy smell
Which reminded me of my mother
She exists here
But I must leave her back…
The blue sky gazed at me,
With vows of deep purity
The green grass called me back.
But I went on,
On the untrodden steps of destiny,
As I left back the kings of stone.
With white shimmering crowns
……….That money can never buy and
Now ruby red to call me back.
But I went on, even if with a wet face
But my destiny was set
As the concrete was my world
The roads of dust, the roads of hate…………
Of poverty and misery
Of the misty future
My destiny told tales
And in the unknown I set my sail.
My ears were ringing with a known echo
A chirping, a humming, a tune
Seemed to hover in the air.
It was a blinding one
It was calling me back…
But I floated on the remorseful sound
Lap lap lap … was it remorseful?
My heart affirmed
Yet I float on he unchartered waters of destiny.
Now the sun turns red
And I remember her
Mother… so loving, so caring
Calling me back.
So I vowed I will return
Even if the tides of destiny were high.
And to glance at my mother I looked back
And though the vow I kept
Then I took……..
My last mortal look.

HIDDEN

I try to come to terms
With what I have lost.
I try to believe that
It’s not going to cost
An eternity of pain.

I am yet afraid
Of what I perceive in the future
I am yet to wait
For the light of the seducer
Oh bring me tranquility.

It certainly hurts
My emotions go overboard
And I have just words to express
As I never had the bliss to cry…
With eyes all dry
The pain is inside
The loneliness bursting to come out
And still no stifled cries.

I try to rationalize
That what I dreamt was all farce.
I try to believe now I am better off.
Even though I may be
Tell that to my heart
Cause it still cries for what it lost.

With all dreams shattered
I came back to reality
With nothing to hold onto
I may lose sanity.
Nothing is real now
With a part of my life
Lost…
In the mist from which I may not come back.

I live my days laughing with friends
But in the sweet darkness
The shroud of memories engulfs me
Abusing whatever peace I had
Sickening as I can never touch them again
Its not allowed…
I don’t for my own sake.

SECLUDED IDENTITY

My laugh rings out the loudest
Yet mirthfully it hides …
I am always surrounded by life
Yet I am secluded …
I am within reach
Yet away from myself …
I am always present
Yet my inside is absent …

Surrounded by people
I forget myself
Blissful is this ignorance…
And laughing with them
Makes me forget
In the minute mirth
My identity …
I am running away from myself.

I am living a secluded life
Away from my own thoughts
As I am afraid to face
What’s churning below the surface
Poisonous hurt that I have known recently.

I had not known such a feeling
Always loving before
But yet it stung when I met it
I have been trying to be dazed since…
I am afraid that if I face
What I had met
At the hands of the precious
My sanity would break
And I would be lost senseless in its wake.

From the loved ones
Such a gift
Delivered on a pretty platter
I couldn’t refuse
I couldn’t object
When I saw my hopes shatter.
All polarities remain exchanged
I don’t yet have a clue … blissfully ignorant yet.

I am running away
Laughing with the crowd
I don’t dare face myself
Without a reason to explain
The shrouding grief
That tears my heart
So many times already slain.

I face the onslaught
With the ignorance ebbing away
My sanity buckles under pressure
The tumults of raging unattended emotions make me sway.
I feel nauseated as my thoughts rush after me
I feel weak before my own identity.
And at this point my duties hold still
My roots of senility
As I want to be insane
Just for the tranquility that
Hopefully may embrace me
Once I drown with my grief.

I wish I could forget and have a respite
Even though it means I lose my identity
But that dazed seclusion
Is not bliss forever
I have learned the hard way…
So I travel these trudged paths
Holding on to my sense of responsibility
And the seemingly life saving duties
That I convince myself need me
My only strongholds to sanity
My only path to me…

Now I have faced my identity
Which tells me of pain
And though I have been shattered
And the hurt forever remains …
I don’t wait for blissful ignorant seclusion
From my own self
As I am just scared not any more afraid
From my own self
And facing it
I hold on to the mirthless pained laughter
Shining in my destroyed eyesWith a determination of building from the ruins again.

INHERITANCE OF LOSS

I teach myself everyday
That I am going to be ok.
I teach my heart to laugh along
And sing out a beautiful song.
I teach myself to distance me
From people who can really see into my eyes.

As the picture there is not so great
And may those honest eyes tell
The dam I built will be broken.
And all the hurt will flow through
And what ever I had left would be swept away
By the river of pain.

It’s not much that I ever had
But then it was not much too lose.
But in between I acquired a possession
And that I did choose.
May be not a wise decision
But my heart never learnt that
And lo … I landed in trouble
For what I hadn’t meant to do.

Cause what I chose
I had to give up
And it wasn’t all that pretty.
And it hurt a lot
To let it go
And see that
It too forgot about me.

And those castles built up in air
Seem to mock you so
Those very ones which your heart
Poured into creation.
And when you have to let it go
I feel left with shattered glass
And my heart marred so beautifully
That I don’t know what to believe
Yet as I dwell by the past
And yet find my solace therein.
The scratches on my memory
Confuse me as in to the reality
I don’t know the past is good
Or the present is wise,
But I can’t come to a respite
With the tumult raging within
As bound with duties
I have left a path
And trotting along another.
But still my heart aches
As what I left behind was my life
Something I endear.

SILENT RECOLLECTIONS

Beside silence I am sitting
Having a nice old chat
With the soothing queen…
It’s been a long time since
I had last conversed with my heart
To others deadened
I embrace silence.

……………………………..


The beautiful silent night
Absorbs my pain
I am set free
Of falsified morality
That bound my heart so
With untold sorrow.

But now I don’t talk…

……………………………………………


I once suffered silence
Now I enjoy it
And with its constant companionship
I have grown to know
That words always don’t show
What you feel
But silence with its invisible tongue
Never lies… as you read it to understand
Or listen really hard
Cause its purity cant be marred
With farce words of petty humour
So she never speaks.

……………………………………………..


I had my days of disbelief
My days of pain
When all was the want of words
To get it all out
But then I didn’t get a listening ear
And left alone some days
I suffocated to silence
But when I read into it folds
And my aching heart
Heard silent music
And I poured my heart out
Silent words of invisible tongue
And with my life silently saved.

…………………………………………..


Such is the gift of silence
To all who sway
Such is the gift of silence
To all whose mistress is sorrow
To all whose
Companions were words no more left
To all whose life now bare
Was adorned with lies of this petty world
To all living the tainted life
Of false painted faith…shattered in the slight wind of life…
To all who are marred with life
At a gently pained loss of words…
At gentle loss of faithful ears…
Lonely now so…

Silence comes…

………………………………….


I now talk to her
Lie on her bosom
She soothes me and plays with my thoughts
She doesn’t give false promises
Neither says she will keep close
And yet today I am satisfied
I know I will find her within
When I need to repose….

Truth of the silencing world…

THE TRANQUIL LIGHT

The twilight had come and gone
It was dark shadow accompany.
And I waited for the queen to crown herself
The marked moon had won over me.

The tranquil shadow of that night
The sweet soft gaze of the moon
The bright stars’ serenity
New wings shine of a butterfly just out of the cocoon.

And her prettiness further heightened
In the interplay of the divine light.
And still nobody notices a subdued dew
Pearly white in the full moon’s light.

Inside the pearly white cage
A mystic darkness is wound.
It leads you to a dark abyss
Yet foretells of the light around.

And those soft mighty cries
That you did not hear
Out for the queen’s praise
She and them tied… in a bond endear.

Animals do know her worth
To live in its tranquility, I wish.
The shadows play with life
Light shouldn’t after all reach every niche.

And I sit back and stare
How could she shine so bright?
It beams that sunset….
Is not always the end of sight.

The moon stills shines on
Sunset and sunrise are not the ultimate ends.
But the moon does rise
And it will stay with you forever………comprehend.

Life is too short to brood
And tranquil is this peaceful light.
And if the mighty moon might hide her face
The stars are at the same height.

The tranquil dew is so cool
Not cold though, you remember.
Transferring to the dew the same warmth
The queen will confer.

New moons tell you
Darkness too leads the way.
Light lies within you
Lets discover that………just you and me.

Silence sublime teaches you
Moon never does give the way.
Never will she ever go away
But live with you always.

The tranquil queen
Shines her light on you
The interplay of shadows
Silence just helps along
Nothing does engulf you
The dewdrops you remember
And the moonrise too
You are never alone.


…………..As on the shadowy dark nights………
……….The tranquility still shines on you…

NOSTALGIA

I still dwell
In the lush green fields
Where I hear the birds chirp
Where I remember myself in flight
Though long has past
I have not laughed
But echoes are by which I survive
Silence is more eerie.

I still hear my youth flowing
Like a young brook
So fast so ravening and growing to its height
And my speed unparalleled as I dream to conquer the world
Though unnoticed by the ocean
Still had held good to me.

I rejoice in the cotton balls of my memory
And speak of clear blue skies
I still rage and thunder
Though not to the outside
Like the past days when
Storms succumbed to my might.

And yet I dream of the lass
I kissed
Under the shy moonlight
Her beauty had made the night so shy
And her gaze had even quietened
My ravening restless life.
She had loved me
So pure
As I still do.

I am yet so terrified
As I had been as a little child
Of the thunderstorm that had split the sky
With the bolts of lightning……………
The same child within
Grew lonely again when lightning struck his life
She had left him unloved unfulfilled
And he is still terrified.



I am still the young sprite
I am still the man
Yet I am aged now
To the eyes of the world
To them I am a nostalgic fool
Caught in the turn of time
But I live my life
With past
With present
Beholding future
In my expressive eyes.
I live in all of them
Fill my time
With bitter sweet emotions
As time goes slowly
In my lonely life…………………………


………………………

EXPRESSION

I have seen him grow up
And always felt him to have expressive eyes.

As a kid fear filled those eyes
When he lost the sight of his mother
A stiff upper lip
A macho pride
Yet misted insecurity in those dark deep eyes.

Understanding glance
Of before age maturity
But a hidden under laying longing
Yet outlined his eyes……….
When he had worn the frayed clothes
Even through his birthday.

A bittersweet pain
Yet I could see in his smiling eyes
When his friends turned his back on them
On the surface mature
But with hurt sad innocent eyes
That told of pain just to me.

And the eyes
Glazed
When he saw his love
And the hurt when
The dejection
And a reflection of a broken heart
That swam to his yes
When he lost his first love.

The wild happiness
The tremendous emotions
When he finally found his life’s love
The contentment
All reflected in his mature eyes
So deep
Now
Eyes of a man.

And then the misted eyes
Of a father
Half closed in prayer
Thanking god for his love
As a silent tear trickled down those
Happy honest eyes.

And now triumph had shown in now and then
In those eyes
As had pain
With experiences of life
Bitter sweet
Yet leaving him all the richer.

And now
I saw only acceptance
And loneliness
As tears sparkled in those eyes
I knew he was terrified
I knew he was afraid
Yet life had taught him to shield some emotions
Finally from his eyes
Now misty
As things untold where hidden beyond.

He was alone
But I reached to those expressive eyes
And blew over each one of them
Till they cleared again and let me see
Once again into their depth
And the sight even made my eyes burn
As the mist cleared in his eyes
I saw acceptance
An ethereal light
A love so free
From this world………………………


He was expressing his last emotions
And his dark eyes
Were tired
Though happy
And with a steady determination ready to close
I peeked heavily for one last time
Into the deep eyes that
Somewhere were also my reason to life
And at the end of his eyes I saw
Love for me
Like the innocent love that
I always had felt for him.

And with that I closed his expressive eyes
With my own life worn eyes
And for first time and even the last
My eyes were also as expressive
As the one by which I had lived by all my life.
As we both saw our last together
Each beholding the most expressive eyes
Locked………………

Each one acknowledging
A love so old
As these expressive eyes…..
Withheld hidden throughout life.

HOME AGAIN

I travel on these lanes close to my heart
I reach those places where I have been
I smell the familiar smells
I reach and touch the seen
I cry and my teardrops fall on the trodden paths
They still bear my imprint and I feel I am home again.

I reach out to the roads
I lay down on the grass
I realize my life
Is incomplete without the place
Which I call my home.

Life took me to places
It made me see many a sites
I settled
Down in the races
To survive and I cried
As my heart longed for home again.

I told myself I was immature
I told that this is not true
I explained
I partied
I had friends busy life
Success
But the home
It was empty
I wanted to be home again.

Like a long lost mother was she
I wanted to be near her
I have cherished my dreams around it
In it’s hidden corners and niches
I have played many a games
And its age hides my teenage
Its rooms my journey to adult hood
It’s my life in its pages
Old and forlorn
Tired but living
It’s my home again.

I cry as I see her after so many days
Old yet standing
Demolished in so many places
Tears swell my eyes
But I will build it again.

Neglect has caused hurt to my home and me
But like a very caring mother
It welcomes me back
Provides me love
Gives me a chance to correct my mistake
And gives me a loving roof to cover my head
I hide under her
From this world
To escape the frauds who say the know me
I hide under my motherly home away from the world
In its loving seclusion.

I will stay now in the folds of nature
Doing what my heart says
Just peace and me
As I am home again.



………………………………….


i miss places
i miss ppl
i miss ma soul
which has left me
it has no boundaries
an no weight of a sackfull of useless duties imposed ma little self
pointless leashes hold me back

LOST

I was lost
But found again
Not by help
But by sorrow.

I had fallen
But I stand again
Not by care
But by hollow.

I had cried
With tear dry
But live
Just by death.

And with sleep coming
I want to live
Fulfill
Then I will go.

As I was lost
To find the way
As I had forgotten
How to stay.

And never did I comeback
On the way
Yet I was found
Just by self.

I was lost……….. yes
To find the way
To live life in this hay
Of sorrow, of sadness,
Of silence………

………………………………………


Darkness has lit my path
Sadness is my sheath
Death could be my real staff
And just desire my guide.

I strive to find the path
I strive to find the path.

I yearn to live
To forget this road
I yearn to be one
With my body
As I can see myself
From outside
And before I embark
Before I reach
I can see myself coming.

……………………………


Devil has crept inside
My angel has long died
I know that though
Yet, I am good.

Not chaste anymore
Not loving anymore
I can’t be called pure
Contaminated I have lost the way
And even hope?

Find me the light
Give me darkness
I kiss the skies
I lie down and close my eyes
I must find…………..the way
I ask to the leftovers of myself.

…………………………………………


I have found myself
Its not the way, I lost
I was covered with grime
It had been my soul.

Let me reach the sky
Then I will decide
How mutilated I am
How much I have lost.

Yet I live
By death
Yet I laugh
With sorrow…………..
And yet I cry
With joy.

Cause finally I have lost that way…………………
And found my soul instead.




……………………………………




ma soul is soiled
wash it off set it free
as its jus soil
and yet i am good

DIARY OF LIFE

That day flew on
Standing at the secluded niches
And then some sweet nostalgia
Drew me into the corner
Of the memoirs of the past life.

Those musty pages held
Up downs – bitter sweet experience
Of the life lived by me.
Blanks without words
Seemed like fairytales
Unknown………… the past life lived.

The dust flew irritably
I turned pages monotonously
I read on and on.
And remembered what gone past.

Some words came out of those lines
Some were read out
Some touched the heart
And some just flew past.

Sweet lanes of memory past…………….like
A stain at a corner
A tear blurring a word
A climax of a hard life
I recalled………………I recall
A memoir of my life I regain.

………………………………………………


Life flew past
So fast
A cat and dog chase
No gains
Just pain……………
Of what I lost.

Then my daughter’s diary
An unready story
Her first steps I did not see
Follies unhandled tore the life apart.

Another fallen tear
Crystal clear
Blurs another word
In this very musty page.
Shutting the book with heartfelt pain
Buried sadness……….
The yellow pages turned mustier.
Nostalgia of pain……………

………………………………………


No gain
Running away
From problems that turned disasters
From cheating self
And suffering stiflingly
Without acknowledging
The buried emotions.

No family left
No use of the phone
No parties now
Did they ever matter?
Did not help me now……………..

As I remain alone I think
Tortured by past penetrating
How I ……just me………solitary
Solitary I remain………. And with
That ………diary
Buried in silence of sorrow that…
Diary of the Untold Unlived life………

....................................................................................................................

know dat u must take time out to c the pages of ur life wen u r on dem
as one of ma fav fren says keep no backlogs as if u do
u lose out
at the end of day
as money sum cheap replacement is neva as much fun

TORN

Sweet face of sadness
Is not seen by all.
Heart – wrenching pain
Is not felt by all.

I have felt both
Seen living death
And yet my eyes strive to hide the pain
From this world.

……………………………………

I too laugh and sing
Cries are to me.
I too sigh and drink
Loving to just sink.

All my pains aloft
Searching others’ eyes
For a hint of sadness like mine
Which an else might too defy.

…………………………………

All alone bleeding heart
Is worse than death.
Lift me off, take me away
Hell is sweeter I say.

Torn away from the heart
Is a piece beautiful.
Light gone… faded way
Darkness seems good.

I want to drown in the silence
Don’t touch my heart
It’s all melted there
Right from the start.

Left alone, I cry
Though tears are dry.
Lost is true
But found too.

Legacy of pain so brutal so hard
Take me away.
Torn apart
Torn apart
I drown hard.

……………………………………

Gone from my eyes
Is the glimpse of life
Shrunken hollow death
Of the painter’s knife,
A picture of sad eyes
A picture of sad eyes………………………….though dead.

………………………………………

I live, laugh and drink
Joke and hide the pain
A wonderful world it is
My dead eyes register
So true?

A picture etched across my heart
I devour.
A pained bleeding eye
So normal………………..

I try
To search and find
Legacy elsewhere
No need to try……….
I can’t see
The paining eyes have torn apart
Only remains………..
A painting knife
And a picture of sad eyes

Etched so hard that I am TORN APART.

................................................................

just a tribute to shattered glass dat marrs ma heart

THE FIRST VISION

She walked into my life
Like a leaf surfing on the wind,
The face of innocence
A cherub, an angel
Who touched my cold heart
And as the warmth seeped in
The hard heart melted.
And I held on to her for eternity.
The warmth that was out of my of life
Was provided by her.
She, a mere child melted me
A huge character, metaphor
The world had once seen.
I settled in a sweet sleep
For once and then also I
Held her. She caressed me.
I knew she was peace.
I knew not for how long such
Joy would stay, forever she said.
Then though a blind man
Could not see
I hoped her to be the
Lovely daughter I lost
One whose touch healed
A lost face in the staggering numbers
Of millions in this world.
But then as she closed my eyes
With her sweeping fingers
To put me to a little sleep
Me, a blind man gained vision
And I saw in her warm sweet face
As I fell into a deep sleep
The gentle face of death
Of warmth and oblivious eternity.

......................................................................
a tribute to death in all its glorious beauty

rationalise the heart

many a times v say v take a rational outlook to life
but actually wen v rationalise v r basically tryin to help ourselves by answerin some of the unanswered questions in our brain itself
like for an instance
v r faced with a problem in life an to solve it there r two approaches in dis life like
v take the practical aspect and function how the world expects us too....
or v listen to the heart

now i dunno abt u but i am such an individual who has a flare to reason but also is imaginative but yet there is a part in me that tries to understand all emotions to rationalise and pinpont dem to scientific lines....

so if sumone who is not such a great thinker he may forget wot his heart says he may kill his imagination....wen he takes a decison to appease the world
but i wont

but the trouble starts at dat point wen i try to rationalise a decision dat i wish to take... dat ma heart supports but i don find a concrete practical reason
so to a same problem i hav a path den.. another path for another reasonin line and so on for diff reasonin lines to the same issue

till the time wen i hav a milloin rational answers to a same problemm all rationally correct but none appeasin to ma heart

and den i am stranded

but if i hav a very strong intuition i take the way of ma heart and am happy

but if i don i spend lots of time reasonin why the way i hav taken is correct and y wot ma heartwished was wrong...and ironically how happy i shud b dat i hav taken dis part

but in ma heart i kno a blunder has been made

so wot conclusion do v reach
did i tell u dis so dat u cud read dis stuff and think how intelligent or confused i am

or am i again reasonin ma heart without reason

but i write all dis stuff for a simple reason dat i am astouned how even in dis practical age v cannot reason evrythin
..................theres sum miracle still left if only v try to c and discover dem in our so called mundane lives

if v listen to the heart do the unexpected however irrational it may seem
den v expect sumthin new as the decision is not stereotyped and we can hope for the unexpected
hav sum joy in our lives..freshness and happiness as v r doin wot v want..wot our heart wants

and perform miracles not in the real sense just in dat sense dat v r happy
and live life knowin its yet full of surprises...........................and dis thing itself is a mmiracle in real sense in dis bsy unhappy world

ending i wud say all the time v think our heart is irrational its bcoz v ha set our minds to the rational clock of dis world
v c our dreams through the veil of the world
but dats not the way it shud b
the moment v cast off the veil of the world
an interpret our own dreams wid our own eyes, our heart will seem rational as den our brain is colourin itself wid the principles v hav set for ourselves in our own influence
not the one painted by the world
......................................................................................................................................................................

i dont kno wot u take from dis blog

eve i dont kno wot i try to convey

mayb jus start the thinkin process out dere in all u guys
so all those whom i hav been able to stir please tell me how hav u interpretted it
tell me how ddo wot i say colours u
and tell me please i hav a lot to learn from ma co-thinkers....
as i hav yet a lot to learn and a brain to paint in ma own colours wid different shades eachday
till....the time i can


the thinker i am....yet the lava girl
lava girl ....and the thinker must merge

learnin to blog

u kno as i write i am filled with apprehension dat wot r real blogs made up of

i dunno as i hav just started bloogin so allk help is invited
so lemme tell u dat all ppl frens wid me connect to live wire
i am on an on an on
never off
i blieve to enjoy u must hav the guts and creativity to take the best out of all situations
so connection wid me gotta b fun if u think sumthin same even if not same
xcuse ma typin i kno its hrrible
but ya lost in philosophy as i am usually
ths is i hope xcusable
neways ma handwritin is worse
so ppl jus cum on and let me hav sum fireflies of guidin lights to help me and tech me how to blog

signin off lava girl