THE SAVIOUR

I was shrouded in the darkness
Of the glitter that I thought was light,
Down in the dungeons of the dark dusty world
I knew not the right.

Each day I fell deeper
Each moment the creepy crawlies of the dark world,
Held me stronger still in their grip
Deeper down was I hurled.

Soon, the glitter dimmed
Even the misconception of light was lost,
All was lost I thought
Atleast, hope at any cost.

And then the light shone
In the darkest corner of my heart,
It warmed me still as somebody held my hand
And pierced the darkness like a dart.

He caressed my head
And said he had come to deliver me,
He put me back on the right track
And now the right I could see.

I had resurfaced
As pure as an angel,
He had cleansed me but
I could not see beyond his bright veil

I asked him to reveal himself to me
He said I knew him in my heart of hearts,
And though he had gone
Light came to me even without his guard.

Asking my heart I knew
He was not my guardian angel,
And though all angels must not have wings
I was saved by someone more special.

OF SKIES AND LOVE…………………

They are going away, far away
To the places I long for…
But it holds me back.
The tears I shed go unnoticed
As I long for the bright blue skies.

The green vales I had seen
Were a part of my life.
My heart is divided thus….
I don’t know why
Love never found its way
To the doorsteps of my heart.
I felt my love in the bright blue skies
I left my love in the bright blue skies.

The concrete jungle
The gray dust is not what I long for.
I was made for
The cotton balls of my memories,
The green valleys and
The sound of music of the chirping birds…..
Their echoes deep down in my heart
Told me of the bright blue skies
That I had left behind.

Lost in the mist
Beyond sight are buried dreams
Of the fair mountains
A life’s love
And the blue sky dotted with birds
And they will remain buried……..
Perhaps always.
My fears and tears
Rise up in smoke
Unnoticed by the mob.
As I am lost in my dreams
Of the bright blue skies.

THE LAST LOOK

It had rained
The earth reeked with the soddy smell
Which reminded me of my mother
She exists here
But I must leave her back…
The blue sky gazed at me,
With vows of deep purity
The green grass called me back.
But I went on,
On the untrodden steps of destiny,
As I left back the kings of stone.
With white shimmering crowns
……….That money can never buy and
Now ruby red to call me back.
But I went on, even if with a wet face
But my destiny was set
As the concrete was my world
The roads of dust, the roads of hate…………
Of poverty and misery
Of the misty future
My destiny told tales
And in the unknown I set my sail.
My ears were ringing with a known echo
A chirping, a humming, a tune
Seemed to hover in the air.
It was a blinding one
It was calling me back…
But I floated on the remorseful sound
Lap lap lap … was it remorseful?
My heart affirmed
Yet I float on he unchartered waters of destiny.
Now the sun turns red
And I remember her
Mother… so loving, so caring
Calling me back.
So I vowed I will return
Even if the tides of destiny were high.
And to glance at my mother I looked back
And though the vow I kept
Then I took……..
My last mortal look.

HIDDEN

I try to come to terms
With what I have lost.
I try to believe that
It’s not going to cost
An eternity of pain.

I am yet afraid
Of what I perceive in the future
I am yet to wait
For the light of the seducer
Oh bring me tranquility.

It certainly hurts
My emotions go overboard
And I have just words to express
As I never had the bliss to cry…
With eyes all dry
The pain is inside
The loneliness bursting to come out
And still no stifled cries.

I try to rationalize
That what I dreamt was all farce.
I try to believe now I am better off.
Even though I may be
Tell that to my heart
Cause it still cries for what it lost.

With all dreams shattered
I came back to reality
With nothing to hold onto
I may lose sanity.
Nothing is real now
With a part of my life
Lost…
In the mist from which I may not come back.

I live my days laughing with friends
But in the sweet darkness
The shroud of memories engulfs me
Abusing whatever peace I had
Sickening as I can never touch them again
Its not allowed…
I don’t for my own sake.

SECLUDED IDENTITY

My laugh rings out the loudest
Yet mirthfully it hides …
I am always surrounded by life
Yet I am secluded …
I am within reach
Yet away from myself …
I am always present
Yet my inside is absent …

Surrounded by people
I forget myself
Blissful is this ignorance…
And laughing with them
Makes me forget
In the minute mirth
My identity …
I am running away from myself.

I am living a secluded life
Away from my own thoughts
As I am afraid to face
What’s churning below the surface
Poisonous hurt that I have known recently.

I had not known such a feeling
Always loving before
But yet it stung when I met it
I have been trying to be dazed since…
I am afraid that if I face
What I had met
At the hands of the precious
My sanity would break
And I would be lost senseless in its wake.

From the loved ones
Such a gift
Delivered on a pretty platter
I couldn’t refuse
I couldn’t object
When I saw my hopes shatter.
All polarities remain exchanged
I don’t yet have a clue … blissfully ignorant yet.

I am running away
Laughing with the crowd
I don’t dare face myself
Without a reason to explain
The shrouding grief
That tears my heart
So many times already slain.

I face the onslaught
With the ignorance ebbing away
My sanity buckles under pressure
The tumults of raging unattended emotions make me sway.
I feel nauseated as my thoughts rush after me
I feel weak before my own identity.
And at this point my duties hold still
My roots of senility
As I want to be insane
Just for the tranquility that
Hopefully may embrace me
Once I drown with my grief.

I wish I could forget and have a respite
Even though it means I lose my identity
But that dazed seclusion
Is not bliss forever
I have learned the hard way…
So I travel these trudged paths
Holding on to my sense of responsibility
And the seemingly life saving duties
That I convince myself need me
My only strongholds to sanity
My only path to me…

Now I have faced my identity
Which tells me of pain
And though I have been shattered
And the hurt forever remains …
I don’t wait for blissful ignorant seclusion
From my own self
As I am just scared not any more afraid
From my own self
And facing it
I hold on to the mirthless pained laughter
Shining in my destroyed eyesWith a determination of building from the ruins again.

INHERITANCE OF LOSS

I teach myself everyday
That I am going to be ok.
I teach my heart to laugh along
And sing out a beautiful song.
I teach myself to distance me
From people who can really see into my eyes.

As the picture there is not so great
And may those honest eyes tell
The dam I built will be broken.
And all the hurt will flow through
And what ever I had left would be swept away
By the river of pain.

It’s not much that I ever had
But then it was not much too lose.
But in between I acquired a possession
And that I did choose.
May be not a wise decision
But my heart never learnt that
And lo … I landed in trouble
For what I hadn’t meant to do.

Cause what I chose
I had to give up
And it wasn’t all that pretty.
And it hurt a lot
To let it go
And see that
It too forgot about me.

And those castles built up in air
Seem to mock you so
Those very ones which your heart
Poured into creation.
And when you have to let it go
I feel left with shattered glass
And my heart marred so beautifully
That I don’t know what to believe
Yet as I dwell by the past
And yet find my solace therein.
The scratches on my memory
Confuse me as in to the reality
I don’t know the past is good
Or the present is wise,
But I can’t come to a respite
With the tumult raging within
As bound with duties
I have left a path
And trotting along another.
But still my heart aches
As what I left behind was my life
Something I endear.

SILENT RECOLLECTIONS

Beside silence I am sitting
Having a nice old chat
With the soothing queen…
It’s been a long time since
I had last conversed with my heart
To others deadened
I embrace silence.

……………………………..


The beautiful silent night
Absorbs my pain
I am set free
Of falsified morality
That bound my heart so
With untold sorrow.

But now I don’t talk…

……………………………………………


I once suffered silence
Now I enjoy it
And with its constant companionship
I have grown to know
That words always don’t show
What you feel
But silence with its invisible tongue
Never lies… as you read it to understand
Or listen really hard
Cause its purity cant be marred
With farce words of petty humour
So she never speaks.

……………………………………………..


I had my days of disbelief
My days of pain
When all was the want of words
To get it all out
But then I didn’t get a listening ear
And left alone some days
I suffocated to silence
But when I read into it folds
And my aching heart
Heard silent music
And I poured my heart out
Silent words of invisible tongue
And with my life silently saved.

…………………………………………..


Such is the gift of silence
To all who sway
Such is the gift of silence
To all whose mistress is sorrow
To all whose
Companions were words no more left
To all whose life now bare
Was adorned with lies of this petty world
To all living the tainted life
Of false painted faith…shattered in the slight wind of life…
To all who are marred with life
At a gently pained loss of words…
At gentle loss of faithful ears…
Lonely now so…

Silence comes…

………………………………….


I now talk to her
Lie on her bosom
She soothes me and plays with my thoughts
She doesn’t give false promises
Neither says she will keep close
And yet today I am satisfied
I know I will find her within
When I need to repose….

Truth of the silencing world…