MARIA

Maria has really pretty eyes
Eyes which had laughed once,
Loved and healed me…
Now they contain madness…
Proud as they are, not yet anguish
Hurt, nor pain.
Yet mine do shine with loneliness.
She let her silver voice soothe me
Fill me as she allayed my fears;
Sing me into sweet sleep, with soft spells
Of her magic, love and care.
Now she sings of war ballads and
Death chants…not to me anymore.
I haven’t slept since.
She caresses her whispers
Right into my heart
Stirs my soul with her flirtatious presence,
Her witchcraft of possession, that being mine
Behold me endlessly on her soft bosom.
Crushed pine needles was her fragrance
And had I not inhaled deeply then
I would lay destroyed
To see her now
Ripped from my senses forever
She’s gone and I am left behind…
I haven’t breathed since
I can’t inhale her anymore.
Madness! How did I see madness
In her nonexistent empty eyes?
Death ballads yet don’t flow
From dead lips
Do I admit its me alone…
My identity was as much hers
And her eyes mine.
The world is hostile, alien in her absence
Tears are horrified to escape alone
No magic but confusion
May have caused death ballads
To beg release from my lips
It was her tongue though
As mine as much hers…still.
On the brink of insanity
She still came to me
Not by magic, in memory
Kisses me with peace
As I was told
“Your Maria lives in your soul
Not in her body…”
I laughed with tears falling finally
Unbidden and unafraid.
What she had often said and will forever
Till I need her, see her, remember her
Breathe her and love her…
Maria had made her magic prevail
And had coaxed me into sanity.

Whispers strong now rule my heart
Warm gusts of memories, peace
And Maria still possessive about me
I revel in her magic.
And she?
She lets me live.

I could say it is time to write
Time to pen down thoughts
If not virtue, not scandals
But myriad useless thoughts
That since had no moral, ethical,
Monetary value, have not been acknowledged yet.
………………………………………………………..

Days n Dreams

There is always a limit to stupidity element. People should learn from their mistakes…but I’m an idiot beyond limits.

I use all my free time to get distracted and day dream ignoring the work at hand….

And I couldn’t give my entries to this real prestigious photography competition today because it got closed the moment I started uploading my pictures.

And all this because I was extremely distracted through few days, dealing with teenage issues, and fucking up a lot of my time….

I have to get a grip…

Ek auss ki boond…

Maati par padi hi ek auss ki boond
Raat ko chaand ki sunheri nazar mein
Andhakar ka saaya apne mein samaye
Ek pal mein khudr aur ussimein viraat
Poore aakhash ka pratibimb jhalakta hua
Uss shote se dayare mein
Mann ko ek alag sa sukoonmilta hai
Shudrata mein visaalta dek
Andhakar mein apna astitva na khota dekh
Chand ke roshniko apna banata dekh
Ek auss ki boond
Suraj ki naa garmahat na kirne
Kabhi chuyegi isse
Kale andhakar ke dhhaal mein panapti
Ek auss ki boond
Jisne apna rasta hai khud chuna
Aur apni sheetalta se ek swarachit mugdhata mein
Khud ko simoye duniya se pare
Maati ke aanchal mein
Shaant nidra praapt ki un kirno ke agaman se pehle.

(Musings in Hindi.... Not great, but i like it...)

I have barriers
And empty castles with broken windows
And no doors
I haven’t ventured outside for long.

I had a lot to say
Somehow the time didn’t seem enough
To curb away my inhibitions
And now the time seems too less…

The door is rushing towards me
An exit at this stage seems undesirable…

A blank wall is pretty easy to paint
But a wall with a wrongly placed caption
A half formed idea
Is much harder to approach….
All is not erasable even if you wish it so…

Adieu

I have had a lot of time to say things I might have wanted to but never still got time enough. Time enough to break barriers that I have constructed like fair castles around me.
Time enough so I got lost in them and thought them to be my world. I wanted to build a lot of things but I just built half-filled dreams…fair castles with broken windows and no doors.

I think now it is time to leave all this behind but I don’t have the words to say goodbye... Can I say goodbye to you… even if I didn’t know you.

Its more than two years... I have returned.

A New Look or A Fresh Start

I started blogging… as a platform to share my poems, and views on many issues, close to my core, or which simply interest me. But since I have never been able to emote in spoken words… drowned emotion took the form of my contorted poems. These poems are conversations with my soul have helped me grieve; they are like my friends…

So, due to some personal issues in the last two years I took to writing a lot more than before, just to emote when I couldn’t beg for any other way of release. And the blank pages which were my reflection, understood me like no other…

Pressures of school, teenage and an incredible lack of patience and concentration never gave any other literary device the exposure… I was always pressed for time….somehow.

But I could say, I have matured, my thoughts have… and now I feel free to express without hiding in the riddles. As in a poem, I was a character within a poem, which expressed one specific emotion I imagine or feel.

Much of the drama is made up, but there is my soul hidden behind veils of layered riddles, lines and words. Its time to come out of the closet…and to experiment with reality…

Though it does not mean that I shall not write the poems… they are a part of me like no other… whispers closest to perhaps the real me. Which I’m forever trying to discover… but remain baffled and confused.

I have been really inactive on m blog for long… I shall try to keep it regular from now on but I cant promise anything to myself even…

So here goes… some things from the inactive period…in verse and without.